Self to Lose: A Confession



I've fooled myself, God. I've fooled myself into thinking that the things I have are mine. That I, by my own will or work or strength, somehow got them. But, I have a confession: I know they're not mine. I have another confession, too: Sometimes, I fear losing them. I tell myself that I have to work harder to keep them. I wonder what people will think if I lose them. It's so dumb, God. How in the world do I find myself back in this place so frequently? But as I sit here right now, I know the truth: What matters most, in terms of losing, is self. I have self to lose. "Self"ishness. "Self"-righteousness. "Self"-absorption. "Self"-focus. "Self" this. "Self" that. And behind all the fear of losing things, I think I'm honestly just afraid of losing self. But, God, I give that fear to you. Help me lose me. Help me lose myself in you and for you. For, in your kingdom's economics, to lose is to actually gain. And, so, Spirit, help me lose my life in order to gain it. Amen.

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